What Makes Dads Anxious & How You Can Support if Your Drowning?
A recent article by Laura Potter published in Men’s Health titled Suffering in Silence: The Dads Dealing with Birth Trauma was published last week and made its way around social media sites. It is estimated that about 5% of partners develop trauma symptoms following a birth usually defined as symptoms meeting the criteria for a PTSD diagnosis. It is estimated that 1 in 10 men experience anxiety and depression within the first 6 months of a baby.
So How Do We Help?
Check-in Frequently: When dads are experiencing the effects of birth trauma it can be helpful to check in frequently to ask how they are feeling and know that you are thinking about them. I’ve never heard statistics on this but my guess is if your partner experienced birth trauma, most likely you either experienced birth trauma as well or at least would benefit from processing the experiencing. You can only support someone when you yourself are resourced.
Mid-morning after a coffee or nap can be a good time to check in with your partner about what their feeling.
Tangible Ways to Support: Dads are at this intersection sometimes they may want to talk about new baby or anything but this new transition. But
Conversations: In conversation, try to normalize how hard parenting, new babies, newborn sleep, etc can be. Name how difficult things could be and how they get better. S
Include Mom: If your not the mom, check in with mom to include her on partner’s healing. If you are mom, we want to validate it could be really hard to consider someone else’s feelings when your in the thick of parenthood. Postpartum anxiety and depression is in many ways related to the lack of support our country gives children and families. The best act of rebellion against that is to nurture yourself.
Help Find a Professional: Postpartum Support International is just the coolest website for parents. They have a hotline you can call or text to get you linked up to a provider that has specialized perinatal therapy training. They also have free groups for everything from a Just Dad’s Group, Queer Parent Support, BIPOC Perinatal / Postpartum Support, and specific postpartum mood and anxiety disordors (PMADS).
Feel free to e-mail me as well for some great Charlotte therapists that specialize in working with dads.
Care for Yourself: We know we need to put our own oxygen mask on but we also know in reality your probably at least attempting to put your kids on at the same time as yours. Its hard! We want to help.
At the very least, when you care for yourself you provide more opportunity to be resourced and a good listener to your partner when they come to you. It can also be inspiring to watch someone do the right things. If your a new parent, we’re thinking tangible things like in bed before 10pm, a shower, or walk with your baby.
2. Encourage Help Outside of You: A therapist trained in the perinatal period can help a new parent feel seen and adequately assess for postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety in new dads or moms. Encouraging time with community and friends can also be helpful
3. Validate without Dismissing Yourself: You and your partner are both allowed to be struggling
